Cheddar-and-Onion Smashed Burgers

What better way to celebrate a weeknight in the city than by eating a juicy, succulent hamburger?  I still remember the first time I ever ate a hamburger:  It was 1972; my crazy mother fetched some ground chuck from our local butcher and....
OK wait. Stop! I can’t do this. I’m sorry. When I first decided to do a food blog, I was completely lost.  It didn't help that certain reputable sources stated that the only people who wrote food blogs were wealthy Asians… I’m not Asian. But I’m closer to being Asian than I am wealthy.  Regardless, I said: “Y’know what? Racial stereotypes be damned! I’m on board!” And I couldn’t wait to get started.

Then we watched Julie & Julia…

After that, I just didn't know if I could write anything about food.  Anything that would connect me, in any way, to Julie Powell- even if it’s writing just ONE food blog post- would make me die inside.  I just couldn't do it. The Julia scenes were amazing (obviously) but the Julie parts?  The only piece of Julie Powell’s story that I enjoyed was when her heart was broken, Ralph Wiggum-style, once the news reached her that Julia Child kinda thought she was bullshit.

The rest of the time, she either threw temper tantrums or made the same frowny faces that toddlers make when they’ve filled their diapers. She never apologized for any of her behavior, with the exception of blogging some weird rhetorical question in which she drops that she MAY be treating her husband poorly. And the only thing she learns, the biggest lesson she walks away with, is “make sure you finish what you start.”  I’m sorry, that’s the kind of thing you’re supposed to learn from one of Aesop’s fables.

Wait! Now I too am suddenly overcome by wanting to draw thin connections between myself and Julia Child!

- We’re both 6’2” (I'm 5'6)

- Neither of us liked Julie Powell (she's a whiner)

- When making sauce and pasta, and I grab a piece of cannelloni from a boiling pot with my bare fingers, I exclaim, “It’s hotter than a stiff cock!” (not always....but sometimes)

Oh my God! Julie Powell IS inspiring! I’m going to go out there and become totally self-absorbed and then when my friend calls me a bitch I’ll be cool with it.  Then every time I eat stuff I’ve made in front of my friends, I’m going to talk about how awesome it tastes!

I have gotten off track. Part of me wants to just stop right now and go out on a really spiteful note… But no. No, Julie Powell has taught me to finish what I started. So...CHEDDAR-and-ONION SMASHED BURGERS!

Being no stranger to self-absorption, Cheddar-and-Onion Smashed Burgers are called Cheddar-and-Onion Smashed Burgers because they have cheddar and onion in them.  

Get yourself 1 1/4 pounds ground chuck; we're doing this whole sustainable thing now, so we got grass fed meat from Tony's Meats.

Then it’s just a matter of securing the following, incredibly rare ingredients:

• salt
• freshly ground pepper
• 16 thick bread & butter pickle slices, patted dry
• 2 thinly sliced white onions
• 4 ounces sharp cheddar cheese, sliced
• Four 4" potato buns, buttered & toasted

The hardest thing to find (the freshly ground pepper) is available in most specialty “ethnic” supermarkets. Chances are they’ll be sold out though, so just buy in bulk online.

1.  Heat your grill until very hot.
2.  Without overworking the meat, loosely from it into 4 balls and place them on the greased (cooking spray will work just fine) grill.  Cook the meat balls over moderately high heat for 30 seconds.  Using a sturdy large spatula, flatten each ball into a 5-inch round patty.  Season the patties with salt and pepper and cook for 5 minutes, until well seared.  Press a handful of sliced onions onto each patty.  Using the spatula, carefully flip each burger so the onions are on the bottom.  Top with the cheese and cook for 4 minutes.  Transfer the burgers with the onions to the buns and enjoy!!
OK. That’s it.